there is a Santa Claus and he lives at the top of my road in the form of a policeman. And although, while it seems I may live in Mayberry, trust me, this guy is no Sheriff Andy. More like Dirty Harry......ex-marine and doesn't miss a stroke, ever.........he has been known, (just ask my budlet Skeeter, who got nailed) to stand in his driveway, with his radar gun and write tickets. (He calls it passing paper.) He lives on the corner, where the only stop sign in our "hood exists. (Just so he can write tickets for blowing the stop sign I think). We have a small, and very dignified neighborhood, one way in, one way out of giving a Blowjob. (Past his house) hee hee hee........Every road dead ends. And some lots are still being built on, not on my end, but the other, so they get the construction traffic over there.......another reason for him to write tickets. And while I do enjoy driving like Mario Andretti on the main road through town, I dont' do it in my neighborhood. Too many kids, dogs, and there is no reason to. So that's the deal with Dirty Harry.........a blessing upon his house.
I walk every night with neighbor and fellow pilgrim Lydia, who lives across from Dirty Harry and his bride, Bitsy. Yes, that's her name..........Bitsy walks with us too some nights. We usually have Lydia's two year old Rose (named after St Rose of course) and my two dogs in tow. Hang on now, I'm getting to the good part............Last night upon my arrival up at Lyd's her dh, and Robocop are in her driveway gabbing......and Robocop says to me........"Hey, was that heifer that hit you a big *expletive deleted* blonde? About this big (and using his arms to show her depth, breadth and girth).........." "Yup, I said, and I'd recognize her again in a minute." "Well, you won't have to, cuz I got her!!" "No way!" "Yes, way!" Then he proceeds to tell me how he was pulling into the hood here off the main road in his marked policeman car, and she almost clipped him, pulling out onto the main road (which is a dangerous road), she never stopped and obviously was in his lane as she hauled herself and that big blasted tank of hers into traffic. So that ticked him off, naturally..........so he goes after her..........and it took him 1/2 mile to get her to stop......even after using his siren.......and because they were bored a couple of other officers assisted him in the traffic stop. So as I said, he was ticked, and gave her every ticket he could and she wasn't even wearing a seat belt..........hey, in the sunshine state it's "click it or ticket" Perhaps her belt would not accomodate her largeness.....I don't know. So during the course of the stop he starts asking her if she visits our neighborhood much.........yes, because she does "interior design" and is helping so and so....(name dropping still helps around these parts), but not with Robocop. So he gives her the lecture on the rules of Natalia Sokolova's newneighborhood, pointing out that he lives at the corner, and since they were now "acquainted" (in a manner I would not want to be acquainted with him)....he would be keepin' his eyes (both of them) out for her.........I pity her now.
While walking Lyd and I discussed the fact that he had nabbed her........I was incredulous. I didn't gloat either.......... I'm still sort of getting over the indignation of the whole thing. As is my girl doggie who now had PTSD from the event.........I never posted that story, because it was just too far out.....and I was just too stupified to put it in print. Enough for me to say, that we were not even in her lane, and were hugging the far side of the road, but apparently not far enough. And she was too busy rubbernecking to see us. That someone would actually hit someone on a handicapped scooter, with two dogs and not stop. Who the hell does that? And, for sanity (what little I have) I am not going to rehash the event again.........only suffice to say that Superman and his ticket book live at my corner.......and it is enough for me that she got perhaps a ding in her interior decorator pocketbook. And so, this being Memorial Day weekend, a reminder to wear your seat belts........and no swivel necking....!! And a final salutation........."with liberty and justice for dogs!"